Drifus' Travels

Today at 6:08 am this morning Beth died, she past on in her sleep as she wanted to.

We had gathered the night before to see her and say goodbye as she really had deteriorated since the previous Sunday. Her sons and their girlfriends, David and Megan, Steve and Angelina, her brother Keith and his best friend Jo Ann, her brother Larry and his partner Jeff and myself. We all took turns visiting her throughout the day and she recognized every one of us.

I sent an email to Larry asking if I could “move in” so I could be close by for the end. Well I had already packed and arrived when I received his answer. So I went in to see Beth and she was sleeping and the movie Devils Advocate was playing on the TV next to her. Since it was on DVD I know it was a request, though ironic. I sat with her for about 1.5 hours, I kissed her several times and thanked her for a wonderful life that she had given me. While I sat there I also thought about all of the great things and good times we had together.

Later that night, we had a family meeting to see where everyone was emotionally and to make sure they are ready for what was about to happen.

Keith and Jo Ann left for the night, the kids, Jeff and Larry played dominoes. I had to leave because I forgot something. I headed out at about 10:15 pm and got back about 1130 pm. It was tough getting to sleep as I would peer over the railing of the loft to check on her.

I had checked on her at about 4:50 am and she was still breathing. Shortly after 6 am I heard her brother Larry come into the room as I was in the loft above, I looked over the railing and he looked up at me and said “she’s not breathing”. I came down the stairs and confirmed what he had said.

Beth Minnesota Science Museum 2002

Beth Navy Pier 2002, my favorite picture I have taken of her.

For those of you who never knew her or maybe only through my writing you missed a wonderful person. She always had a spark of immaturity that made her always seem younger than she really was.

She was the first person in my life who I felt true love for and received it just as well. I loved her more than anything in life, she will truly be missed.

Minutes after the end

Elizabeth Ann Loretto McDonnell
10-08-1956 / 08-20-2010 53 Years Old
Bethy, I love you.

Dave

Well just got back from sitting with Beth while her brother and his partner go out for a night. Overall she is good, I have seen her better though. I made a spaghetti dinner and took it over for the 6 of us. Everyone seem to like it and made several comments about it.

So once everyone left Beth and I sat and watched TV, I fix her a plate for dinner, which she enjoyed. We talked about nothing really important, just hung out and enjoyed each others company.

I think subconsciously avoid people when they are sick. I rubbed her back and hugged her and kissed her on her head. She then made a comment that no one touches her and that it felt really good. I guess I have been around so many sick people all of my life, even if it’s the flu, mono, strep that I just don’t really think about it. I know cancer is not contagious and even if it was I do not think it could change how I am. If anything I have a better immune system because of my “exposures”.

Ok enough of the semi-depressing side of things. Well if I believed in hell this would be the week to know what it’s like. It’s been close to 100 for almost a week and I am glad to be working from home. I really hate heat and would rather see it snow right now.

I bought some stools for my kitchen, I can not decide if they are going to stay or not. I like the stools themselves but they might be a bit tall for the island bar. Speaking of house, I finally finished the core of my premise wiring and am looking forward to this winter so I can get back into the attic and finish my other projects, like ceiling fans etc. I guess I can eventually start on picking out the fans for each room and get the conduit and switches etc over the next few months.

Well I could ramble on about everything in my head but that might get scary. Also it’s almost 1 AM and work will be here before ya know it.

Nite

Well Beth is all moved into her brothers place and she seems a lot happier. No longer does she have to look around her place and think about things that need to be done. She was up in the morning to see her brother off to work and stayed up a while longer watching some TV.

I arrived early to sit/visit with her, she seemed in really good spirits and fairly well rested. I set up her laptop with the docking station, printer and wireless network. I also brought over the computer I built for her in case the company wants their equipment back, so it’s all setup as well. I checked in on work since I was on call and all was quiet. Beth took a nap around 5:30 and woke up about 8:00 pm and had some dinner. She stayed up and talked with Jeff and I and was a few shows with us. She then headed back to bed for the night. I finished a few things for her, documented her nightly meds and told her that I was not going to stay over as planned. Since I work from home it just felt better being at home with the way I have things setup.

I headed out about 9:30 pm and let Jeff know Beths status before I left.

I’ll be going over to her house and cutting the yard and checking on things in general to make sure things are as they should be. I am glad it’s not a 100 degrees around here, though it looks like it’s going to be that again in a few more day, DRATS!!

Nite.

Well Beth moves to Larry and Jeff’s house today, by the way it’s a 103 degrees, hottest day of the year. When I walked in I found it funny, there were discussing what foods she likes, See, having lived with her for 8 years I knew all of these answers and yet it was foreign to them, well after about 10 minutes or so they finished that discussion. Eventually the discussion moved on to scheduling and coordinating this more (less than 20 miles). Her one brother who is a florist kept driving the point the who, what, when everything was going to be done. Now for a wedding I completely understand, but this is a person, wheelchair, meds, some clothes and some things to do books and such. We can always go back to her house and get other things. He made a comment to Beth’s oldest son to pack up the computer and have the cords neatly wound so they wouldn’t be tangled when it was set up. Her son responded that he will put the stuff in a plastic bag, of which her brother commented that he would bring some boxes out. She is not moving to Europe or anything, if the cords get tangled you just untangle them, these are not Christmas lights which can suck. Plus Beth will not be doing any of this, mostly pointing to what she wants or saying that she wants something.

For me the 4+ hours meeting was mostly humorous as most people were acting as if they were having a baby, pacing, talking 100mph, trying to get anally organized. I was angry a few times and wanted to speak up but it’s not completely my place, plus they need my help more than my attitude. I did enjoy the shock when they found out Beth and I had gone to Walgreens. “Did you walk”, “How did you get to the van?”, “did you have your oxygen”.

First off the walk from her bedroom to the front door is farther than the door to the van. Second of all I know how to work a wheelchair as I have assisted my mom, which even involved lifting her. You know once she is in the van the rest is easy, open the van door, stand and then sit in the wheelchair, done. O well she had fun getting out and I am glad she did, I think it was good for her. She was a little scared before we left because shes afraid she might fall or pass out. I told her we can take as long as necessary. I got everything in the van, we checked the oxygen tank it was full and operational. She sat on the couch for a few minutes and then we were out the door on the way to the van. She did that with no issue what so ever so off we were. We got to Walgreens and ironically we parked right in front of the door, she has the tags but sometimes this one can be busy with handicap parking. I got out and setup the wheelchair, rolled to her side of the car and opened the door. She got out and made it without issue, I folded out the foot rests and in the store we went. First stop was to get some readers, it took a bit to find the “style” she was looking for but we found a pair she liked, then headed to magazines for some PennyPress puzzle books. She flipped through a few and settled on 2 and off to checkout. She put the items up on the counter and gave her bank card to me. They finished ringing us up and I began the card process, the guy looked at me at little weird, maybe he was trying to figure out if we were married or mother and son, I just gave him a “what the F” look and we left. We headed home without issue and she made it back in the house as well. She had a coughing fit after we were home for about 20 minutes but it was over in about 5-7 minutes and all was good.

While there I fixed the front door handle, backed up her computer and some other small things. Jo Ann came over, she and I had pizza delivered, watched some TV with Beth, she eventually went to lay down. Jo Ann began to do some of her work and I finished the computer. Beth asked that I make her some dinner, I warmed up the spaghetti I made her the other day and some of the Italian salad I had left over from going out the other night. I brought it to her in bed made sure she was ok and I left for the night.

Well I went over to Beths house since I had not seen her in 2 days and wanted to see first hand things were going. She looked great, was feeling good and even had some smiles to share. I fixed the front door handle and made of back up of her work computer. We talked for a while and lounged around. Later in the day we went to Walgreens (YEAH). I am not sure why people make it a big deal. Put the wheel chair in her van. Grab a tank of O2 and made sure it’s full, put it in the van. Then either stand really close to Beth or take her hand and she walked to the van with out issue. It was maybe 30 feet away and 95 degrees out. Drive to Walgreens (handicap tag on van), parked right in front of the door. Take out wheelchair, she wanted to try shopping without the O2, which I was fine with as it was in the car. So we rolled down to glasses and found a pair and then headed over to puzzle book and found 2 she liked. Next off to the checkout counter and back to the van. All was very easy, I would say my only complaint was that the handles on the wheelchair are too low for me and there were no extensions.

Beth was quite pleased with her outing and enjoyed not asking for permission from the sometimes overbearing brothers. I too was glad she was willing to go. I will admit she was scared at first going out as it had been over a week and respiratory issues can hard to recover from when the environments change.

So there is a meeting of the minds on Monday, Vicki (nurse), Kay (social worker),her brothers, a friend and myself. Beth is moving in with one of her brothers and so we are coordinating the move and then the schedule of who can be with her when. I said I could not commit to a day due to work but I could fill in if needed. I also said that I may just come down to visit and if the “on-duty” person had to do things they could leave or whatever. (Once things are setup and I test the speed of the Wifi I may take a day on the schedule we will just see)

Well there is a side story to tell but right now Ill wait till I know more.
Nite.